Faith Vs Relationship

The other night, I came upon a startling realization within myself: I have faith in God, but I don’t feel like I have a relationship with Him.

I’m not sure how that happened. I have never really wavered in my faith in Him, in my belief in Him. I talk about the Bible all the time and write about it here on Medium. I pray and I listen to sermons (not as often as I should), and I read the Bible (again, not nearly as often as I should). But that relationship I’m supposed to build with God… I can’t seem to find it.

But I know, deep down, that this is what I’m missing. There’s a big empty in my life, day to day, and I know it is the distance between me and my Savior that I sometimes just can’t find my way across.

On some days, it is there. Maybe it is a line of dialogue in a movie that snags on my faith and bridges the gap temporarily, or maybe it is a sermon that hits me in some kind of way, or a song or even just a moment of serenity in nature that speaks to me. And in those moments, I feel close to God. I feel like I can leave my sins behind, like I can shrug off my addictions and my worldly wants and follow Him.

But then those days pass, and before I know it, I’m back where I started, on the other side of that chasm, searching for that relationship, that connection that I know ought to be there. My faith remains as strong as ever…